I write to you as I head into the first full week of school
and sequester a few long moments in the early morning before dawn to attempt a
summary of the work the Lord is doing!
Communication with you all at home has been sparse and for
that I am sorry. In all the details of life here I have to focus my mind
entirely just to survive the past two weeks of preparation and beginning. Once
I find a balance and routine I will be able to regain more communication. For
now, it is just a miracle to find some time and energy to write, as I’ve been
wanting to all week.
Re-cap of my May update: I wrote to you on my way home for
summer about the vision the Lord has given me about this upcoming school year
and the plans He has been putting in place – big steps and changes.
I must tell you that over the summer the Lord strengthened
my resolve, deepened my vision, and refreshed my heart and mind on His truth.
Many of you were so influential in this process and I want
to thank you for listening, for blessing me with sweet time of fellowship, and
for your commitment to pray for me in all the Lord is doing. I cannot stop
praising God for the gift of that time at home and for all of you.
My dear friend Sarah returned to Honduras with me and over
300 pounds of luggage (many adventures!) and we were blessed to have time to
travel around and visit different Honduran friends, the national park here, and
the orphanage (she helped me teach 1st and 2nd grade for
a day and boy, was that difficult!). It
was such a blessing to share my life here with her, but after that ‘soft
landing’ reality hit hard. The next week was packed with preparation and an
anxious urgency to get everything ready without having enough time. I began the
tedious task of training a new teacher in a week, creating a new behavior plan,
attending hours upon hours of meetings, and preparing my classroom for
students. Needless to say, I was in my classroom past midnight the day before school
began.
Amidst all of this, God was working in some pretty God
shaped ways:
1.) The
director of our school gave the first school wide devotion on Monday (usually a
task he passes off on someone else) and he came before the staff with a
realness and a humility I have NEVER seen before. He admitted that if change
was going to happen it needed to come first in each of our lives and hearts. I
have never heard him speak in such a way and it was astounding to see him step
up to the plate, thus leading the rest of us. Yes, God has been working on
hearts as we have been praying.
2.) My
principal later on that day met with the elementary staff and couldn’t help but
allow the tears to stream as he shared what the Lord had been doing in his
heart over the summer. He challenged us to choose a day of the week to pray and
fast together for the lives and salvation of these kids, to focus us in the
eternal work we are doing, and to do it together. He also took the lead in
humbly opening himself up in a real way and the challenge was taken by all.
3.) Our
school theme for the year is gratitude and I was asked to share with the staff
about my journey of gratitude in this past year as I have studied two books and
watched the Lord transform my days through a heart of thankfulness. This was a
task I was willing to do, but not easy for me to get up in front of everyone on
our first day and share from my heart. Then God hit me with another challenge
to do it in Spanish and English so that I could set an example of reaching out
to the Honduran staff. Doubly difficult then was my task, but as I stood up
shaking and red in the face and let God speak through me it was so neat to look
at the bright faces of my co-workers, people I love and strive in ministry
with, Hondurans, beaming at me with encouraging smiles, proud of me for
stepping out for them, and to realize how much this truly is GOD’S work and how
blessed I am to be entrusted with pieces of it and gifted in communicating in a
language not my own. It began a long process of striving towards unity between
Honduran and North American teachers.
4.) I
called for a prayer and worship meeting Sunday evening to begin uniting our
staff on this track. It was in the midst of preparation and stress, but the
Lord had plans more than I could have asked for. Thirty teachers gathered in
that living room on their knees and the Lord led us into a real time of
intercession and united our hearts in prayer and worship. The Lord took us deep
and it was sweet, just the beginning.
5.) Many
of you have been in prayer for me in regards to my church, in the ups and downs
we have been through, the Lord has asked us to stick to this tiny little
precious church. This Sunday we had about 40 people from church come up the
mountain to play soccer on the school’s field. Adults and kids alike played
together and it was so fun to be a part of. I have also had some really good
prayer times for our church, asking the Lord to move and direct revival there.
It is in the very beginning stages, but there is definitely movement and
awakening. These relationships are so dear to me.
This weekend I sat on a rooftop in the middle of a poor
neighborhood, looking out over the city lights of Tegucigalpa, feeling
admittedly ‘lost’ as to where to start ministry, what to pour into, how to
reach out, how to even make this time count for something more. I see need in
all directions and want to do everything. In the transition I had been joyfully
caught up in all the Lord was doing, but was also fiercely attacked by the
enemy. I identified the struggle as an attack at different points in time, but
didn’t quite understand on how many levels Satan was picking at me, trying to
get in, trying to trip me up. Praise God for all the armor He has provided and
the strength to withstand. I have needed your prayers.
I will be honest and tell you the thoughts I fell to this
week on so many levels were doubts and contrary to what I know about my God. I
felt very much like an Israelite when I look back on it, the questioning that
assaulted my heart and mind…more in the FEELING than the reality. I felt very
alone, though surrounded by many people in a community striving for the Lord
together. I felt unneeded and unwanted, though many others were feeling the
same, and I just needed to reach out- we all needed each other. I felt
inadequate and unprepared though this is semi-true on many levels, the Lord is
preparing me for the plans He has for me…that part of preparation is up to Him.
I felt forgotten and like I didn’t have a ‘place’ – confused
as to where I ‘fit’ here. All of these were normal feelings of a transition in
which God is gearing up for big things.
I guess I just want to tell you how hard I had to fight to
cling to the truth and what I KNOW the Lord has promised. It was tempting to
turn away, to stay in that dark estate, to feel and let those feelings bring me
down to whatever depths they reached, but somewhere in that mess God was a
clear gong. ‘You don’t have to stay here, turn to me, I will rescue you.’ It
took acknowledging that I was allowing the devil a foothold. It took humbling
myself and asking my friends for prayer in regard to the things I was feeling
and the thoughts I was having. It took arming myself with scripture and
standing my ground when the enemy sneakily took sniper shots close to my heart.
My very wise friend Nicole told me: In the end it’s not
about what you feel or what you say, it’s what you DO that makes you who you
are.
In choosing the strength of the Lord in my weakness I found
new strength to rise up on wings as eagles, to run and not grow weary, to walk
and not be faint.
I don’t know if I have ever quit experienced something so
intense on so many levels as what is daily being thrown at me in this time, but
oh, it is good. I wish I could write pages and pages, but it is time to specify
some prayer requests and press on.
Please please, uphold me in your prayers. I need you to
‘hold up my arms’ as Moses in the desert when the Israelites were in battle. I
could fail, I could fall short, but the Lord promises He wont let me stumble or
slip and He will complete the good work He began.
Prayer requests:
1.) I
give the first staff devotion Tuesday morning at 6:50 in the morning and still
can’t quite pin down what the Lord would have me to share, though I won’t stop
asking Him to reveal it to me so that I will allow Him to do to the work. Pray
that I will again have the strength to ‘stand up’
2.) I
have about 20 sixth grade girls interested in a bible study the Lord has placed
on my heart to do with them from the book of Joshua. I want to teach them how
to study the bible inductively and the administration approved this study
without asking question and the girls are raring to go!
3.) My
roommate and I have been feeling the attack of the enemy on our house, that
isolation and negativity. Please join me in asking for the Holy Spirit’s presence
to invade the darkness with light. Please pray for my apartment to become a
“home” and that it would be a place of peace.
4.) Pray
for energy and strength in teaching. The beginning of the year is extremely
draining because I have to start over from scratch and begin teaching all those
basic little processes. Before I get in the swing of things, it feels a lot
more difficult to stand on my feet for 12-13 hours each day and pour myself out
over and over again, relentlessly.
5.) Pray
that the Lord will provide vision for ministry, that He will clearly direct by
showing me where He’s at work and that I would take His invitation to join Him,
but that I would be diligent in saying ‘no’ to the things that are not best,
and setting aside time to rest and LISTEN to the voice of the Lord. Pray for a
car if that is what the Lord chooses to give us for this stage in ministry, or
joy and trust if it is not right in this time.
6.) Pray
for protection against the schemes of the devil and fighting off the fiery
darts and the struggle against the principalities and darkness in whatever way
they attack.
Thank you for your time and
rejoicing with me, listening to my heart, and more than all these things, for
praying alongside of me and holding me accountable to the work the Lord has set
before me. I love you and seek the Lord in THANKFULNESS alongside you. If you
get this far in the e-mail, you should e-mail me back a quick e-mail with 1-2
things you are thankful for at this point in time. I want you all to join me in
the journey for gratitude. J
Until next time, thank you.
