It seems like it has been forever since my last update two weeks ago. Teaching has picked up at a rapid pace and suddenly I find my free time diminishing as lesson plans consume much of my mind and time. This past week was very difficult for me, yet filled with huge blessings at the same time. I am learning many things and count it a privilege to be able to share some of the things God puts on my heart with you so candidly. Hang with me, this could get long. J
Here is a journal entry that will help get me started,
Gracias a Dios,
Oh that every breath would be an exhale of thanksgiving, that every inhale be prefaced with praise – “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.” The Psalms leave us with this grand command and how many breaths do I waste in praise to myself, or mutterings of discontentment, or sighs of complaint. Lord, “Let every breath, all that I am, never cease to worship you!” “Tune my heart to sing your praise.” “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you O God, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
Honestly, I have been broken this week. The message God seems to be continually speaking over me is humility and meekness. How I fail at these two things. When God brings about things to put me in a place of humiliation I revert to complaining and discontentment. I see through myself so clearly here. There is nothing to hide behind here, no retreat. I continually am reminded that I am nothing, that I am sinful, prideful, selfish, and the only good thing in me is Christ. But when I see my faults and shortcomings so much I fall back on the magnified name of my Lord. Oh how strong He is in my weakness! Though it is painful, I would desire no other thing than for me to be a broken pot. Jeremiah 18: 1-6 says,
This is the word of the Lord that came to Jeremiah, “Go down to the potter’s house and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping was mared in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me, “O House of Israel, can I not do with you what this potter does?” Declares the Lord, “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in My hands.”
God is making something new out of me, the mared and broken pot.
This week I struggled continually with teaching. Again, my pride brought me low to humiliation. I think that I know how to do many of these things and have the natural ability and talent to teach, but this week of teaching definitely stretched me more than ever before. Ultimately, I failed at teaching my students anything this week. I got a lot of feedback from the principal and my partner teacher. Hours of conversation on how I could do better, what I need to change…..it was exhausting….questions whirring in my mind…. “am I doing anything right?” My immediate unspoken response, “I hate this, I can’t do anything right, I want to give up. Why do I hate this so much?” I came home Friday afternoon with piles of planning to have done by Monday, almost in tears at the aweful week I had just had and the weekend of work ahead after just another lecture on what I needed to do to be a better teacher.
Oh Beloved, when you are weak, then I am strong. Boast all the more in your weakness so that I may be evident in MY strength over your weakness. God’s voice sang over me as I slept Friday night and I awoke Saturday morning with new motivation, ideas and passion to do the best I could in this situation. Oh how God is close to the humble in heart.
I share all this with you as I lead into this next part, so hang with me.
Throughout this process of molding there has been an even clearer theme I see in scripture I read, conversations I have, or prayers I pray…..Thanksgiving.
As you can see from my journal entry, thanksgiving has become an ever present process and I have been overwhelmed with the results of the breathing in and out of thanksgiving. I had the privilege of joining in a Thanksgiving celebration with the ministry I will be involved with in January. Yes, the date was set 3 weeks early so that everyone could be a part of the gathering as many travel to different places in Nicaragua over this holiday. They so kindly invited me, and I couldn’t wait to meet everyone. Let me tell you, it is truly a family and I am so excited to be a part of this group of believers. We spent most of the evening (about 3 hours) talking and sharing God’s faithfulness and blessing over the past year. Every eye had tears at different points. The director of this ministry shared about thank offerings in the bible and celebrations God’s people had regularly to remember what He had so graciously done for them. Celebrations of God’s faithfulness are so important, and we need to be more serious about our thank offerings not only once a year, but celebrating all the time! A heart of thankfulness is often transformed into praise and praise into transformation of attitude and heart towards things eternal.
The next night I met a wonderful lady at a gathering I was at. She spoke only Spanish….perfect opportunity for me to practice! J We had a little bit of a hard time communicating at first, but you could tell our hearts were connected in the Lord. After some introduction conversation she asked me right off, “What is God teaching you?” I shared everything I could put into words in spanish and she understood. She then went on a 15 minute Spirit led speech about how I need to be using this time in adoration. I understood every word that she said because God knew I needed to hear those words, whether in Spanish or English. Tears came, oh how sinful I have been in not continually turning to Christ in adoration, praise and thanksgiving for not only the blessings and good things, but the hardships, trials, and pain. “Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thes. 5:16-18)
I am not doing these lessons justice in simple words, but I pray that you can hear my heart speak to yours. Oh that we filled our speech, worship, prayer, and every movement with more thanksgiving…how our light would shine in the darkness. Prepare your hearts for the Thanksgiving holiday with a daily, heartfelt, attitude of thanksgiving in the next few weeks. Not only turning to him in thanks for the blessings, but for everything.
“We always carry around in our bodies the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal bodies.” ~ 2 Cor. 4:10-11
This is the word of the Lord that came to Jeremiah, “Go down to the potter’s house and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping was mared in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me, “O House of Israel, can I not do with you what this potter does?” Declares the Lord, “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in My hands.”
God is making something new out of me, the mared and broken pot.
This week I struggled continually with teaching. Again, my pride brought me low to humiliation. I think that I know how to do many of these things and have the natural ability and talent to teach, but this week of teaching definitely stretched me more than ever before. Ultimately, I failed at teaching my students anything this week. I got a lot of feedback from the principal and my partner teacher. Hours of conversation on how I could do better, what I need to change…..it was exhausting….questions whirring in my mind…. “am I doing anything right?” My immediate unspoken response, “I hate this, I can’t do anything right, I want to give up. Why do I hate this so much?” I came home Friday afternoon with piles of planning to have done by Monday, almost in tears at the aweful week I had just had and the weekend of work ahead after just another lecture on what I needed to do to be a better teacher.
Oh Beloved, when you are weak, then I am strong. Boast all the more in your weakness so that I may be evident in MY strength over your weakness. God’s voice sang over me as I slept Friday night and I awoke Saturday morning with new motivation, ideas and passion to do the best I could in this situation. Oh how God is close to the humble in heart.
I share all this with you as I lead into this next part, so hang with me.
Throughout this process of molding there has been an even clearer theme I see in scripture I read, conversations I have, or prayers I pray…..Thanksgiving.
As you can see from my journal entry, thanksgiving has become an ever present process and I have been overwhelmed with the results of the breathing in and out of thanksgiving. I had the privilege of joining in a Thanksgiving celebration with the ministry I will be involved with in January. Yes, the date was set 3 weeks early so that everyone could be a part of the gathering as many travel to different places in Nicaragua over this holiday. They so kindly invited me, and I couldn’t wait to meet everyone. Let me tell you, it is truly a family and I am so excited to be a part of this group of believers. We spent most of the evening (about 3 hours) talking and sharing God’s faithfulness and blessing over the past year. Every eye had tears at different points. The director of this ministry shared about thank offerings in the bible and celebrations God’s people had regularly to remember what He had so graciously done for them. Celebrations of God’s faithfulness are so important, and we need to be more serious about our thank offerings not only once a year, but celebrating all the time! A heart of thankfulness is often transformed into praise and praise into transformation of attitude and heart towards things eternal.
The next night I met a wonderful lady at a gathering I was at. She spoke only Spanish….perfect opportunity for me to practice! J We had a little bit of a hard time communicating at first, but you could tell our hearts were connected in the Lord. After some introduction conversation she asked me right off, “What is God teaching you?” I shared everything I could put into words in spanish and she understood. She then went on a 15 minute Spirit led speech about how I need to be using this time in adoration. I understood every word that she said because God knew I needed to hear those words, whether in Spanish or English. Tears came, oh how sinful I have been in not continually turning to Christ in adoration, praise and thanksgiving for not only the blessings and good things, but the hardships, trials, and pain. “Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thes. 5:16-18)
I am not doing these lessons justice in simple words, but I pray that you can hear my heart speak to yours. Oh that we filled our speech, worship, prayer, and every movement with more thanksgiving…how our light would shine in the darkness. Prepare your hearts for the Thanksgiving holiday with a daily, heartfelt, attitude of thanksgiving in the next few weeks. Not only turning to him in thanks for the blessings, but for everything.
“We always carry around in our bodies the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal bodies.” ~ 2 Cor. 4:10-11
3 comments:
Thanks for taking the time to write out and share what our God is doing in you! Sometimes it isnt easy to describe. A broken heart is a very acceptable sacrifice, and is most excellent. I pray that you find your mind and lips filled with adoration and thanksgiving this week, Julie.
Love, k.p.
Julie: I am so glad you're being so transparent in showing both the fun-good-easy(?) parts of your time, AND the difficult-defeating things as well. Too often people share only the victories and not the dark days that preceded the victories, leaving others to believe that the victor never really struggled and since I'm struggling I must be doing something wrong or I'm not as good as the person who only shares the great stuff.
Babbling...I know. We ARE praying for you and know that God is faithful. You have an awesome opportunity to experience it in it's raw form. A spiritual experience away from home is often more profound and life changing that ones in the comfort of our own homes.
We WILL hang with you Julie! love ya!
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