Going Deeper

But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold. – Matt. 13:8 --

“Ok, I’m going to need everybody off the bus in number order while we wait for the doctor to tell us where to go….” My voice trails off as I turn to see all my students gathered in the back of the bus praying together. They look up with big grins, “Sorry Miss, we were just praying before we go.”

And thus commenced our class field trip to the children’s cancer center ward of the hospital in Tegucigalpa.

The students and I had 3 prayers:

-       That they would be the aroma of Christ Jesus in that place

-       That they would be mature enough to handle the pain and reality of the lives they come in contact with, but still do what needed to be done

-       That they would spread the gospel through friendship and joy to EVERYONE they came in contact with

Looking back I see flashes of answers to these prayers… One student praying with a young girl who 5 days earlier had her leg amputated, the waiting room that felt like a funeral home being transformed into something more like a birthday party as we passed out balloons and snacks, the simple games and stories that made the somber kids who hadn’t smiled in days laugh, the humble offering of the gospel spoken through the Romans road booklets we had made, hands being laid on sick children, pleas to God for healing and peace, and the impact on not just the children stuck with needles in their arms, but the rich kids who humbled themselves to love on these precious ones with all their hearts. I even gaped in wide eyed wonder watching the girls sit down to talk with people at McDonalds afterwards... their field trip was not over when they received their hamburgers and fries... everyone can hear about Jesus in every place where there are souls. 

I can’t write this without tears welling up in my eyes because it is such a beautiful picture of the Lord at work and I’m seeing it all around me, every day.

I will be honest, it is not in everything. There is pain, there is sickness and death, there is hardship and darkness, but not when you look at the flashes of light and let those moments make the darkness flee.

And He who said, “Let light shine out of darkness” made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. – 2 Cor. 4:6-7 --

This is just the beginning… God is preparing my students for big things and I get to be a part of it. In this time, I just give thanks because what I am teaching them is falling on the soft soil of their hearts and so I know there will be fruit later, more than I could try to dig up on my own. Most days I feel so much like a jar of clay I think I’ll just break into pieces irreparably, and yet the treasure is from within and it is SHINING. I can’t express the power I feel when I lean hard into God each day and let Him complete the work of my hands. To us who believe we have been given INCOMPARABLY GREAT power (Eph. 1:19) and instead of living defeated and timid, it is time to begin stepping out in faith and watching God work in ways we never thought possible. 

This is my testimony, this is my challenge – to hide myself in Christ, to fill myself up in Him, to be so full of His presence that He just splashes out of me everywhere I go, everything I say and do… what a joy, what a battlefield.

I have decided to pursue God as my chiefest among 10,000, my all in all, my heart friend. This choice is not my own, He’s been calling for a long time. I’ve been disobedient, distracted, and desolately alone. This is not what my Savior has called me to, He has called me to intimacy and to fullness if only I drink from the well of Living Water. This requires hours at His feet – my best hours, the early early morning hours, the cold dark exhaustion of night, the mid day calm amidst the busyness, and the cultivating of a secret place even AMIDST the voices and noise in which those voices are solely the echo of the presence of God and messages, solicitations from Him to go deeper into Him than ever before.  I need to devote myself to God in this time. You will hold me to nothing less. 

Journal entry:

What an invitation to the most blessed and extravagant banquet of the soul. How would I dare turn down such an invitation when the garments of righteousness have already been prepared and the hunger rises up deep from within. There is a yearning for fellowship too, to sit at the right hand of the gracious host and recline in His presence. I know not what this request truly entails, but I come O’ Mighty King, I draw near.

I can’t deny what I am supposed to do, and so I ask you to pray for me in this, to keep me accountable, and to watch the fruit stem from the Holy Spirit’s work instead of my own cultivated work and outcome.

I’ve been spurred on by authors and books like:

-       100 days in the Secret Place by Gene Edwards

-       Celebration of Discipline (Solitude and silence chapters) by Foster

-       Praying Hyde by Captain E.G. Carre

-       Everyday Prayers by Scotty Smith

-       Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson

*Not to mention incredible verses from the greatest Author in the Bible!!!

All of them talk about the power we can have if we just commit ourselves to Christ and fall upon Him in faith and trust.  The path has been woven in front of me. I cannot turn back, nor to the right or to the left.

 He seeks communion with us because it is His right and our benefit. He seeks this communion at the beginning of the day. He would claim the best, the very best hours of the day. With so great a privilege pressed upon us, does it not mean a solemn obligation on our part to cultivate this life of fellowship? -- Gene Edwards 

In joy I run hard after this Author and Perfector of my faith, enduring, persevering, and throwing off hindrances, ripping off the things that hold me back.

Words are so much easier than the daily grind, but they reflect the attitude of my heart. By God’s grace the words will turn to action and the action to fruit.

Over Christmas many of you commented on how I seemed ‘healthy,’ ‘happy,’ ‘in a better place,’ ‘taking care of myself,’ ‘content’…. And much more. Thank you for speaking truth into me, for caring for me in this way. I am humbled by this. You notice. You love me. What you see is Christ in me in a new way. I am carried by a beautiful Shepherd and as I listen to His voice I am learning and growing. Thank you for partnering with me in this. 

With what I just expressed as my new main goal, I can’t forget to tell you about how God has been answer prayers in HIS way and timing and power.

-       We celebrated a sweet 15th birthday party at the orphanage and continue to pursue what God would have me do there, I am so thankful for that consistent relationship

-       My parents came for a medical mission trip and on the one day I was able to translate, the Lord broke my heart for the lost. 3 precious souls accepted the Lord, one 14 year old girl with tears spilling over said, ‘I’ve heard part of what you’re telling me on the radio, but I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me the truth, this is what I’ve been waiting for!”

o   How humbling to think how many others are just ‘waiting’ for the truth. Oh what a grand burden we have for the lost on this side of heaven. Many prayers are flowing from this one experience.  

-       God is using Bible Studies and after school programs, one-on-one disciple-ing and much more to give me an ‘in’ into the lives of these kids. My example to them is of the utmost importance. I have to live out my faith in front of them so they know that God is real and our whole lives are to be lived for Him and through Him and to Him. They need to watch what an 'abundant' life in the Lord is like because I want this for them more than anything.

-       I shared some jewelry making utensils my mom was able to bring from home with the single mom and her daughters. Thus they are hard at work making jewelry to sell for extra income. They are excited to have this opportunity and it is a blessing for them to be able to DO something to help them get out of debt. I’m thankful for the ideas and ability to provide the tools.

-       My vision for the staff here and for ministry outside of school is growing, which is overwhelming because I’m at a loss for time, energy, and resources, but if I keep praying, God will do what He does best and accomplish His plans for me. I’m just excited to get to keep praying into big things and waiting on the Lord.

o   Will you keep praying for the church God is preparing?

o   Will you keep praying for the different ministry opportunities God places in front of me, that I wouldn’t back down, get discouraged, or feel inadequate, but press on in the strength and power of our Mighty God?

o   Will you pray for me to be devoted first and foremost to the Lord in my time, talent, and treasure no matter what the cost?