“How
lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the
Pooh –
It has been quite the ending of this story in Honduras and
I’ve barely had a wisp of time to be able to process the grandness of God
throughout each and every moment.
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| My two best friends and fellow 6th grade teaching dream team |
It didn’t make sense when I started dating an incredible man
in Honduras, that God would keep drawing me home to Colorado.
Wait, let me go back to before that. It didn’t make sense
when I heard God say ‘It’s time”, which
was my cue to begin thinking towards change and returning to my family and home in
Denver. 5 years at Pinares in Honduras and I was at the height of my teaching,
LOVING my job, teaching with my two best friends, and seeing fruitful ministry
all around.
Why now God? But I had claimed years back, when other
decisions had to be made, that I would go when God told me to go.
When I told Allam(my boyfriend) that the only direction I felt peace in was that of moving home, we had to address some things in our relationship. What does this
mean for us? Is he willing to wait? He released me to the Lord almost
immediately and has been trusting the Lord since. This has given me such
freedom to walk in the Lord’s will.
But oh, it isn’t easy when it doesn’t make sense.
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| Care group leaders! |
It doesn’t line up to take what God has promised and
sacrifice it in faith on the altar… with trust to raise a knife to kill your
only son. YET, in that moment of raw trust….low and behold Jehovah Jireh
provides in the moment when you clench your fist and squeeze your eyes tight
and breathe in…. and then the voice comes. “Now I know that you fear God,
because you have not withheld from me…”
(Genesis 22:12)
There was a lot of waiting, seeking, holding on, clenching
tight, and pleading with the Lord to do what I heard Him saying to me. I was not going to withhold from Him what he had GIVEN to me.
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| Language School with Sarah! |
And then He shows up like a ram in the bushes.
Let me provide for you
a job in Colorado, better suited for you than you could ask.
Let me provide for you
a peace that transcends all understanding as you let go and sacrifice thank offerings with the work I
have called you to do. Remember, it’s mine.
Let me give you an
added gift of language school and maybe throw in a short beach trip to Costa
Rica. Let me show you how I have used you and how I have loved through you. Let
me show you my work here, the fruit of labors sown in love, reaped in part
BEFORE you leave.
I stand amazed. I deserve nothing. I have received
everything and more.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I didn’t
‘hold on’ and instead tried to control things or explain what was happening
from a fleshly perspective, or ignore the Lord’s commands and walk in disobedience.
‘Oh yee of little faith.”
“But to each one of us
grace has been given according to what Christ proportioned it.” (Ephesians 4:7)
I’ve been recently listening to a pastor called Afshin
Ziafat at Providence Church. He is preaching through a series on Romans and I’m
enjoying the podcasts, especially Romans 4. He says this about faith:
“Faith is the
wholehearted trust in God that causes me to base my life on God’s Word
regardless of the circumstances. Faith doesn’t succumb to circumstances, but
puts it’s hope in God’s ability and promises.
Abraham didn’t waver in his faith, and
therefore glorified God. (Romans 4:20-22)
My students:
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Made me so proud by their unhindered proclamation of
scripture and their faith for their 6th grade program. (I will try to post a video or link soon!)
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Made a goodbye video and a goodbye party and
gave me an outpouring of hugs, words, gifts, and love before I left.
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| Sweet goodbye's at school |
My church, friends, and fellow teachers:
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supported me when I was in the swirling waters
of the unknown and lifted up my arms in the battle
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cried many tears of love and wrote words of
kindness and said goodbye in such an honoring way
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will carry on the work in the Lord’s calling on
their lives without me by their side, but I can’t believe I can trust the work
to carry on, what a gift!
My boyfriend:
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| Farewell from Allam's family |
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has chosen to give me all the support I need to
GO, and follow the Lord
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He will wait until the Lord’s timing for us and
we will allow God to work on our hearts and relationship over long distance in
the meantime
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Allowed me to finally cry in his arms all the
pent up tears the past month of transition has built up in my heart
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Came with a mariachi band to my door at 5am to
sing me goodbye
So now, I return with my big red suitcase in hand and plant
my feet on US soil with all the peace in my heart and mind. God almighty provides. I know this transition
will not be easy, but I don’t look at my circumstances. I have been given many
mighty promises, and with these held close I proceed.
“You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all His
ways and loving towards all He has made. The LORD is near to all who call on
Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear
him. He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him.
My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise His name
for ever and ever.” – Psalm 145: 17-21-
1 comment:
Miss I was reading your blog and got a little sad I didn't like the idea that you had to leave but the important thing is that youare with your family. I don't understand why people you love have to leave. You will always be in my ❤️. - Aida
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