‘That He would grant
you according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through
His spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through
faith, and that you, being rooted and established in love may be able to comprehend
with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth of
Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge in order that you may be filled up with
all the fullness of God. Now to Him who
is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His
power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ
Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever. Amen. (Eph. 3:16-21)
I think I’ve come closest to a re-dedication of my life to
Christ as ever before.
I’ve never wept over the truths of the gospel as I have in
these last weeks. I’ve never felt the Holy Spirit so oppressing my heart that
sin comes squeezing out all over. It amazes me at how sluggish I’ve lived in
regards to the lost, and how selfish I’ve lived in regards to the Word that was
made flesh -- that word which I hold in my hands every day, that which I mouth
every morning and night -- yet that Word is not often made flesh in me. I have
slipped into wish list prayers for my
plan for my life and future. I’ve
slunk from the harsh truths and side stepped opportunities to speak up more
times than I’d ever like to admit.
“Oh wretched man that I am… who will save me from this body
of death? But praise be to God who rescues me through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
(Romans 7:24-25)
Because of Christ’s death and redemption through
resurrection I have been raised up into a new life this year and I am FREE.
‘Free from the short, shallow, suicidal pleasures of sin and
free for the sacrifices of mission
and ministry that causes people to give glory to our Father in heaven.” (Piper)
This school year has begun anew and I hardly realized the
depth of it all. To experience ‘all the fullness of God’ is beyond
comprehension… but it’s what I’ve been asking for.
Ministry is SO much more than I’ve been making it out to be.
It’s so beyond what I’ve been boxing it in, hemming in the work of the Lord
with simple thinking that has nothing to do with child-like faith. If it were
child-like it would be only one great big adventure on the ship of the loving
hand my Father holds me cupped in… but no, I’ve been defaming the work of the
Lord by getting involved in ‘civilian affairs’ and wandering around digging up
sand for my own little sand castles.
As I’ve begun to teach ‘His-Story’ from the book “What on
Earth is God doing?” I’ve been opening up my mind to this huge story God’s been
working through all of time for His glory and for His beloved children. It’s
blowing my mind as I say the words to each group of kids and let is sink down
deep in my own heart as I confess it with powerful words of truth.
We’ve been answering 3 major questions in our introduction
to Ancient world history. Questions to give us perspective as we move between
all the ups and downs through the pages of time.
1.
Where did you come from?
2.
Why are you here?
3.
Where are you going?
These questions define our own existence and give us a lens
to view the rest through. Needless to say, it’s been humbling.
My kids are asking deep questions and diving in to Timeless
Truths. I wake up every morning just passionate about the words I get to speak
about God and the light that shines in their eyes when they GET IT and pull it
into their hearts and minds and treasure it. I have the best job in the world.
It’s a total change and I’m still marveling at it.
Yet, despite all the crazy transformation and the passion
pouring down on me from above, I still find it hard to ‘rest.’ I still shy away
from that quiet alone time with the Lord because I know how much He’s working on
me and I only want as much as I think I can handle. I would rather keep going,
then to stop and truly dwell in that secret place of His presence because maybe
there’s a little fear of what He might truly ask me to do.
I began a book called, “Celebrating Discipline” with a group
of bible study leaders and I think I can predict where God might be leading me
from here. I’m not looking forward to it, and yet I’m so ready at the same
time.
To discipline my heart, mind, and body to love the Lord with
my everything goes beyond my realm of comprehension, but I also know it is
there that I truly find freedom to worship and rest in the Lord’s work.
I want to continue to live faith out loud as I press on from
this beginning place, but I know the only thing that will get me there is the
constant and continual discipline – the daily practices that make a person who
they are.
That’s my next adventure. I’m excited to share it with you.
This past weekend the Lord called me on an adventure where I
visited two tiny mountain churches about 3 hours outside the city. We traveled
in the back of a truck over extremely muddy and rugged roads as rain poured
down. When we arrived I began talking to some of the kids who apparently had
never seen a blond headed gringa who could speak Spanish. They just stared at
me, then started giggling and whispering and ran away. My friend Trent attempted a message in
Spanish and did an incredible job stepping out in faith as the generator hummed
to give us light and eventually went out he kept reading by flashlight. Then a
huge spider with pinchers crawled up the wall behind and then rain started
pelting the tin roof and the despite all the distractions the gospel could
still be heard and people accepted the truth of the bible in all its simple
truth and it was a huge testimony to my heart of what God is doing all over the
world.
We traveled another half an hour to a small two room house
where about 49 people were crammed into the damp living room, sitting on beds
and many tiny chairs. This was phase two and these believers shone Jesus in
their smiles. We were able to share some testimonies and I told the people how
amazing it was to meet for church in a house like the early believers. I told
them about my house church at home and encouraged them to keep seeking the
Lord. They were simply glowing in all their rugged beauty.
This whole experience brought me back again to the gospel… how
the Honduran pastor spoke so freely, ‘Como Dios transforma la gente’ – How God
transforms people! The gospel is so much more than just praying that simple
prayer, its transforming of every aspect of our lives. When we choose to love
the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and then to love others
as ourselves… things change. But it is as simple as praying for forgiveness and
even the most simple people who have never been more than 2 miles away from
home or seen a blond haired person speaking Spanish can be transformed by it.
I just marvel at God in all His grandeur coming down, to be
as one of us.
I want to see the gospel transform lives. I want to live it
out in me.
I read back over all that I’ve just written and I laugh
because it’s too much to contain in words and so I’ve just splashed them all
over. I guess that is just the best I can do. I know God will use even the
words that fall short of expressing His grandeur.
As a side note as I finish, I think its time to start
inviting you all into the aspects of ministry the Lord has put before me now.
Below are just some dreams I’ve been dreaming for people, for ministry, and
just mustering up the faith to speak them aloud and let God do what He wants.
Keep reading if God’s tugging on your heart.
At the bottom you’ll find scripture and quotes. I know this
is long. I know its worth it. I’m so thankful for you opening your heart to
what God’s doing in mine.
E-mail me please!
-
Rural
churches – They need a building for those believers meeting in that crammed
damp room. They need jackets for the cold season coming and shoes to keep
walking to church. They need bibles and children’s curriculum. They need
anything the Lord puts on your heart to give. But I’m asking God in faith for a
lot on their behalf. I pray God would give you a glimpse into their smiles as
He allowed for me… that you would just love them immediately.
-
Rafa –
an incredible man of God that pretty much single handedly runs a church. He
witnesses to everyone he meets and disciples many street kids in his
neighborhood. He has more potential than I’ve seen in most 21 year olds and my
dreams for him keep expanding as I watch the Lord use him. He doesn’t have any
sort of income right now and the church has no money to pay him, so he’s
struggling with serving the Lord and still working for a living. God holds him,
but I wonder if there’s some way to be part of something bigger for him.
-
Orphanage
– as I visited the orphanage two weeks ago I felt that love surge up in my
heart for these kids and I started dreaming a little bit bigger for them. I
want my 6th grade students to pray for each of these kids, to adopt
them into their hearts and to make connections in ways that I as a white,
American, woman in her 20’s cannot. I want my students to pour out some of the
love they have to the orphans and to understand that kind of pure and undefiled
religion. I want them to learn how to
love and live sacrificially for the sake of others.
On another note, I keep believing in faith that
I will one day run an orphanage and so the Lord is stirring more action in
advance for this. I am going to begin depositing money in a bank account in
faith for the future. This is a sacrificial act of belief, to take some of my
‘excess’ and place it into God’s hands, believing that He will multiply it for
His kingdom in His timing.
-
Car – I
still wait for a car, knowing the right one is out there and it will come to me
when it is especially needed and will be used for Christ’s glory. Please pray
with me for this ministry tool.
-
ALIVE
(Always Living In View of Eternity) – this is the 7-8th grade after
school program that the Lord has allowed me to help with. We kicked off the
book of Daniel study this past Friday afternoon with 18 kids. This is about 15%
of the students that could have come. The goal is disciple-ing the kids through
the book of Daniel to stand up for the Lord in a world that does not
acknowledge Him as God. My dream is for 50% of the students to come regularly.
The Holy Spirit must empower and equip, but I want to believe in faith that the
Lord will use this.
“Believing that further delay
would be sinful, some of God’s insignificants and nobodies in particular, but
trusting in our Omnipotent God, have decided on certain simple lines, according
to the Book of God, to make a definite attempt to render the evangelization of
the world an accomplished faith… too long have we been waiting for one another
to begin! The time for waiting is past! The hour of God has struck! In God’s
holy name let us arise and build! We will not build on the sand, but on the
bedrock sayings of Christ, and the gates and minions of hell shall not prevail
against us. Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, aye, before the
sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust
our God, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him,
and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts. We will
a thousand times sooner die trusting only in our God than living trusting in
man. And when we come to this position the battle is already won, and the end
of the glorious campaign in sight. We will have the real Holiness of God, not
the sickly stuff of talk and dainty words and pretty thoughts; we will have
real Holiness, one of daring faith and works for Jesus Christ.” (C.T. Studd)
You are my witnesses –
8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit
has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea
and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”
Prayer ponderings from bible study as we begin “The Circle
Maker”:
-
God is sovereign and all powerful, He knows
beginning from end. How is it possible to think that our prayers would change anything,
that He will not have His way in the end?
-
What is the line between claiming and demanding
when before God’s throne?
-
It feels like a ‘Christian obligation’ to be
praying for others when its not something many of us actually do regularly or
wholeheartedly
-
When God doesn’t answer prayer…
-
What does it mean when it says ‘you have not
because you ask not?’
-
What does a healthy and consistent structured
prayer walk look like day to day?
My attempt at some Ann Voskamp style writing:
You see all, You command everything, but when you fix your
eyes on me the chaos calms and peace descends and you whisper ‘you of little
faith,’ and I cling to your hand and don’t respond because I know, I know I’ve
just been the wandering sheep, the child who screams through frustrated tears,
“I can do it myself!” and I’ve played the arrogant religious leader, playing
the religious counterfeit game and you as Father had to get stern in your tone
and you as Shepherd had to pick up your staff and you as Most High had to grab
me by the chin and put me in my humble place, but I knew it was all out of love
and yes… my faith did fail me at times, but I now look up at you, though
feeling small and very much like a child, I can rest now in the calm because I
know, ‘when I am faithless You remain faithful.’
With much love and giving of thanks,
