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Monday, December 5, 2016

Attitude Check!


Wow. I didn’t know this would be so hard.  All the weight of transition and newness hit me Thanksgiving day. I had an inkling it would, I could feel the build up under the surface and the pressure growing from outside too. Everyone said, ‘That’s a lot all at once!” They were right.… it’s a lot.
Ruth was such a blessing
No Thanksgiving break this year. It was a long day at school in which I had to substitute teach and do my own job. The kids could have cared less about an American holiday. Then there was a pretty emotional board meeting that ran till 6. They graciously let me out early so I could pick up Ruth from the bus stop coming in from Tegucigalpa. Buying last minute Thanksgiving dinner details, and then picking up Allam from the clinic. I started feeling feverish about 2pm and it kept getting worse. Meanwhile I get sweet Happy Thanksgiving texts from friends and family  in the states and Honduras and see that they are enjoying flan in my honor. At the clinic Allam told me I should get an injection to help stop the cough I’ve been dealing with for the past 10 days and help me with whatever was causing the fever. Not a butt shot this time… an injection through the veins… the tiny veins that no Honduran doctor can find. It’s 8pm by this point as the nurse stabs me several times without successfully penetrating the vein. Finally, I just melted into tears. It truly felt like the worst day ever. But, Ruth came to the rescue and we ate dinner after 9pm and we crawled into bed that night thankful for everything that didn’t go right or feel good.
But it’s in moments like that when I feel like I can’t handle what I’ve been dealt in this season.
I can’t handle the job they’re giving me at the school. I can’t figure out how to communicate constantly cross-culturally and bilingually 24/7, especially with my husband. I can’t control what I used to control. I can’t demand of myself even what I used to demand. All the variables are different.
When it comes down to it, I can’t put my finger on just one thing… it’s everything. And I don’t like it all the time.  

Undeserved things we take for granted
But isn’t that everyone? We’re all looking for Thanksgiving dinner type living. Where all the smiling faces are gathered around the table, plates full of food, air seeped with savory smells, bellies happy and all the thanks in the world. We’re all looking for the perfect Thanksgiving.

Sometimes we are called to give thanks when everything goes wrong.

I realize how often I forget this truth when I find myself complaining.  Complaining is a sign that I’ve not yet accepted the reality that God is working on me in and through all the difficulties and that it’s the best place to be because He is there and I am becoming more like Him at a faster rate than if I was a self-sufficient, happy-go-lucky person who always had everything under control in my life.  Complaining means I'm missing the giving thanks in all circumstances.

Thus, in the midst of all the bumpy ups and downs, amidst the exhaustion, the change, the stress, the missing home and the long hard days of trying to succeed and mostly failing…I’ve got to learn how to care for my own soul. I’ve got to stop complaining and start praying more for my eyes to be opened amidst my circumstances. I need to lather my moments and my days in thankfulness and my heart in praise. That’s the only way I can figure out an attitude check. (Amen, Praise the Lord, Glory, Hallelujah! :)

My team on Sport's Day!
Thus I ask you to join me in seeking an attitude check. Pray for me in any way the Lord leads, but here are a few areas where I can be specific:
1.     Marriage is such an amazing gift. We are learning and growing and it is exciting and difficult all at the same time. Pray for Allam and I to grow together in our marriage in a way that glorifies God more.
2.     School is now under my leadership entirely. It’s messy, real, and terrifying. Please pray that God gives me the wisdom, understanding and grace to continue stepping into my role and guiding the English department at the school. There is much to be done and I can’t carry the burden on my shoulders.
3.     Our house gets furnished one piece at a time. It’s painstakingly slow, but it is in process just as we are. It’s beginning to be a HOME and it’s so wonderful! Pray that we can continue to know how to handle our resources correctly while building Allam’s dental practice and our house.
4.     Continued building community and friendships here in this new place and as a couple.
5.     We’ve been pretty sick with the normal climate change cold and allergies. Please pray we can recover and take better care of ourselves in the future.

As we approach Advent season, this time of struggle pushes me to more radical change. I NEED Jesus in this time to rescue me from myself, from my circumstances, and from less than glorifying daily living.  As we begin to ANTICIPATE our Savior's humble birth, what would show our desperate need for Him? What would push us to Thanksgiving in the rough places? 
Allam and I are giving up sugar. I know it's advent, not lent... but how sweet Christmas day will be when it finally comes? For all the yearning for sugar would be yearning for the Savior's coming.
Will you join me in choosing a challenge for this advent season? Something that's going to help you choose thanksgiving instead of complaining and help you focus on the truth of your season in this season? 

The following  excerpts are a beautiful summary of the things I’ve been learning.
The story of the Three Trees is a childhood favorite, but it also is showing me how to continue to find the truth of my circumstances and God’s plan. It’s powerful even though it is a children’s story. (Gotta love that I’m an elementary teacher at heart) The others are quotes I’ve been reading from a book by Eric Greitens on Resilience (Thank you Anna Varner). 
(The Bible has many more examples of resilience that are constant encouragement as well)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His promise. - Romans 8:28 - 

Attitude CHECK!!!!!!!!!

You are not responsible for everything that happens to you. You are responsible for how you deal with what happens to you. What happens to us becomes part of us. To be strong at the broken places is to be resilient. Being broken, by itself, does not make us better. “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken place.” (Hemingway)
Don’t expect a time in your life when you’ll be free from change, free from struggle, free from worry. Your objective is not to come to rest.
We all need something to struggle against and to struggle for. The aim in life is not to avoid struggles, but to have the right ones; not to avoid worry, but to care about the right things; not to live without fear, but to confront worthy fears with force and passion. What are you working toward? What are you fighting for? Who are you going to be?
I took this photo on my drive to school!
Story of the Three Trees
Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up.
The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: “I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I’ll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!”
The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on its way to the ocean. “I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I’ll be the strongest ship in the world!”
The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. “I don’t want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they’ll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world.”
Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain.
The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, “This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining axe, the first tree fell.
“Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest. I shall hold wonderful treasure!” the first tree said.
The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, “This tree is strong. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining axe, the second tree fell.
“Now I shall sail mighty waters!” thought the second tree. “I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!”
The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven.
But the woodcutter never even looked up. “Any kind of tree will do for me,” he muttered. With a swoop of his shining axe, the third tree fell.
The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter’s shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox for animals.
The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.
The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead, the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail on an ocean, or even a river; instead, she was taken to a little lake.
The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard.
“What happened?” the once tall tree wondered. “All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God...”
Many, many days and night passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams.
But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feedbox.
Setting up our Christmas tree
“I wish I could make a cradle for him,” her husband whispered.
The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood. “This manger is beautiful,” she said.
And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.
One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake.
Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through with the wind and the rain.
The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, “Peace.” The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun.
And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and earth.
One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man’s hands to her.
She felt ugly and harsh and cruel.
But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth tremble with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God’s love had changed everything.
It had made the third tree strong.
And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God.
That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.
Retold by Angela Hunt

Humility

I begin with humility. I act with humility, I end with humility. Humility leads to clarity. Humility leads to an open mind and a forgiving heart. With an open find and forgiving heart I see every person as superior to me in some way; with every person as my teacher, I grow in wisdom. As I grow in wisdom, humility becomes ever more my guide. I begin with humility, I act with humility, I end with humility. 
My husband lovingly serving his patients


Now what you've been waiting for -- Wedding Video Links!!!! SO fun to re-live this amazing day.






I’ve set up an account through a missions organization which will transfer funds to us in Honduras if you desire to support us further on into our journey. Please specify my name on your donation through paypal. There is no repeating donation options yet.
Link for donations:
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=UU6G8AWWP263C

Friday, October 21, 2016

The breathtaking empty space of an open door






Fun in Panama
The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!          – Psalm 126:3

I have no reason to fear. Perfect love drives out fear.
Yet there have been so many fears under the surface for this new season. What if I’m not qualified for my job? What if I don’t make new friends? What if I’m so homesick I get depressed? How long will I have to live in a tiny apartment and out of a suitcase? What if my husband is too busy? How will I form community? What happens when I don’t enough money and can’t control my own finances?

These are just a few. Stepping into a place where everything is NEW on so many levels is extremely humbling and faith building.  It’s a grand new adventure and a terrifying cliff of unknown. I feel the stretch of both, and that is the breathtaking space where God is present. Maybe I’ve made it look easy. Let me tell you, it never is.

So thankful to be together at last :)
 Each day I’ve lived of this past month, God has been present and driven out my fear by loving me so well in the middle of humbling and unknown  circumstances. As this process is taking place, Allam and I are continually marveling at God and how HE loves us so much. We feel His perfect love and though we see daily how imperfectly we love each other, we are learning the joy of letting God provide everything we need in this season. 

My dear dear  fellow missionary friends Matt and Audrey shared a book with me called “Common Prayer: Liturgy for ordinary radicals.” It is a wonderful, timeless devotional book that I’ve been using for the past year or so. As I struggled one day to accept the world I now abide in, I found “A Prayer for Major Life Transition” –

Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.

There it is, there is the heart attitude I need to seek amidst the tricky, slippery slope of unknown freshness.
The view from our bedroom window in the morning
I give Him my discontent. There is no reason to dwell on what I had or what I wish would be.… I count all things a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ and being found in Him.
I give Him my restlessness. Stop, find peace in His presence, rest, choose the greater things that will not be taken away.

I give Him all the tumult of emotions. Instead, I listen to the signs of growth; change. How much better to plunge into the empty space than to plunge into the selfishness of my doubts, despair, and those stirrings that cause complaint and struggle against the change.

I organize myself in the direction of simplicity. How rare an occasion to begin afresh. How lovely to have to look to God for EVERYTHING. To realize, that He is sufficient, and all He has given me is more than enough. I am blessed and I am cared for by my King.

New teacher friends
Now, since there have been a lot of hours spent with the Lord, searching my heart and flinging myself at His feet in the hard moments, this all seems so lovely and simple.
It’s hard to describe the complete split of feelings I’ve had every day of this past month.

There is a time for everything… and I’ve been doing a lot of uprooting and planting, laughing and crying, mourning and dancing, keeping and throwing away, embracing and refraining from embracing…. He has made everything beautiful in HIS time. (Ecc. 3: 1-8)

This passage has freed me to feel the depths of all ends of this spectrum called life.
The most beauty I’ve found is living it united now with another. It makes all that realness double felt. I’m so thankful for this marriage relationship. I see Christ daily at work in this joining of two lives and sacrificially loving one another.

Allam singing on TV (not me :)
A life of letting go is hard to choose, because learning how to love is learning how to lose. – Mat Kearney –

Here are some more specific details…  

House – We moved in, through approaching darkness and pouring rain, everything got deposited sopping wet in the living room of the new house. We haven’t quite had enough time to sort everything out yet after drying it, so the house is quite the work in progress. Hopefully we will begin to get furnishings soon as well! We will rejoice over all the little advancements day by day. It is already beginning to feel like home and I’ve slept so well every night we’ve spent there!
School campus as night sets

The English Admin Staff
School – my job has been an insane challenge and full of craziness. I’m holding on for dear life, as with any new job, this one just seems more weighty with responsibility. The teachers are growing and adapting and doing a marvelous job teaching in very different circumstances. I’m proud of them and want to support them as much as possible. The school seeks the Lord in every detail, so this has been wonderful to see and be a part of as I take on more and more in my position as English Program Coordinator.


-       Allam is working harder than ever to advance his clinic and grow his practice. He’s visionary and generous and it’s a neat thing to watch and support… really, a ministry all in itself.

Marriage – Is so wonderful never having to say goodbye again! We’ve had a lot of things to figure out in this past month with much stress on our shoulders in the transition. I’d say, based on all of that, God has been gracious, however, we are both far from perfect. We’re figuring out marriage one day at a time and sometimes feel like it’s going great and other days feel like we have so much to learn. At the end of the day though, I’m so thankful for the gift God has given me.

Thank you – We’re putting up paintings, and putting sheets on beds, and cooking with pots and pans, and purchasing a washer and dryer and beginning to see the love you all showered on us all over our house. It’s actually an incredible feeling to have you all surrounding us in such tangible ways. It’s been pretty messy with thank you notes and I deeply apologize for that, but I do want you all to know how blessed we are by your love and kindness in helping us for this new beginning!

I’ve set up an account through a missions organization which will transfer funds to us in Honduras if you desire to support us further on into our journey. Please specify my name on your donation through paypal.

Thank you for your continued prayers for us! Each day is an adventure and a blessing and we are praising God and wanting to share this and so much more with all of our family and friends far and near. We send you our love!
Link for donations:

The breathtaking empty space of an open door






Fun in Panama
The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!          – Psalm 126:3

I have no reason to fear. Perfect love drives out fear.
Yet there have been so many fears under the surface for this new season. What if I’m not qualified for my job? What if I don’t make new friends? What if I’m so homesick I get depressed? How long will I have to live in a tiny apartment and out of a suitcase? What if my husband is too busy? How will I form community? What happens when I don’t enough money and can’t control my own finances?
-->
These are just a few. Stepping into a place where everything is NEW on so many levels is extremely humbling and faith building.  It’s a grand new adventure and a terrifying cliff of unknown. I feel the stretch of both, and that is the breathtaking space where God is present. Maybe I’ve made it look easy. Let me tell you, it never is.

So thankful to be together at last :)
 Each day I’ve lived of this past month, God has been present and driven out my fear by loving me so well in the middle of humbling and unknown  circumstances. As this process is taking place, Allam and I are continually marveling at God and how HE loves us so much. We feel His perfect love and though we see daily how imperfectly we love each other, we are learning the joy of letting God provide everything we need in this season. 

My dear dear  fellow missionary friends Matt and Audrey shared a book with me called “Common Prayer: Liturgy for ordinary radicals.” It is a wonderful, timeless devotional book that I’ve been using for the past year or so. As I struggled one day to accept the world I now abide in, I found “A Prayer for Major Life Transition” –

Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.

There it is, there is the heart attitude I need to seek amidst the tricky, slippery slope of unknown freshness.
The view from our bedroom window in the morning
I give Him my discontent. There is no reason to dwell on what I had or what I wish would be.… I count all things a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ and being found in Him.
I give Him my restlessness. Stop, find peace in His presence, rest, choose the greater things that will not be taken away.

I give Him all the tumult of emotions. Instead, I listen to the signs of growth; change. How much better to plunge into the empty space than to plunge into the selfishness of my doubts, despair, and those stirrings that cause complaint and struggle against the change.

I organize myself in the direction of simplicity. How rare an occasion to begin afresh. How lovely to have to look to God for EVERYTHING. To realize, that He is sufficient, and all He has given me is more than enough. I am blessed and I am cared for by my King.

New teacher friends
Now, since there have been a lot of hours spent with the Lord, searching my heart and flinging myself at His feet in the hard moments, this all seems so lovely and simple.
It’s hard to describe the complete split of feelings I’ve had every day of this past month.

There is a time for everything… and I’ve been doing a lot of uprooting and planting, laughing and crying, mourning and dancing, keeping and throwing away, embracing and refraining from embracing…. He has made everything beautiful in HIS time. (Ecc. 3: 1-8)

This passage has freed me to feel the depths of all ends of this spectrum called life.
The most beauty I’ve found is living it united now with another. It makes all that realness double felt. I’m so thankful for this marriage relationship. I see Christ daily at work in this joining of two lives and sacrificially loving one another.

Allam singing on TV (not me :)
A life of letting go is hard to choose, because learning how to love is learning how to lose. – Mat Kearney –

Here are some more specific details…  

House – We moved in, through approaching darkness and pouring rain, everything got deposited sopping wet in the living room of the new house. We haven’t quite had enough time to sort everything out yet after drying it, so the house is quite the work in progress. Hopefully we will begin to get furnishings soon as well! We will rejoice over all the little advancements day by day. It is already beginning to feel like home and I’ve slept so well every night we’ve spent there!

The English Admin Staff
School – my job has been an insane challenge and full of craziness. I’m holding on for dear life, as with any new job, this one just seems more weighty with responsibility. The teachers are growing and adapting and doing a marvelous job teaching in very different circumstances. I’m proud of them and want to support them as much as possible. The school seeks the Lord in every detail, so this has been wonderful to see and be a part of as I take on more and more in my position as English Program Coordinator.


-       Allam is working harder than ever to advance his clinic and grow his practice. He’s visionary and generous and it’s a neat thing to watch and support… really, a ministry all in itself.

Marriage – Is so wonderful never having to say goodbye again! We’ve had a lot of things to figure out in this past month with much stress on our shoulders in the transition. I’d say, based on all of that, God has been gracious, however, we are both far from perfect. We’re figuring out marriage one day at a time and sometimes feel like it’s going great and other days feel like we have so much to learn. At the end of the day though, I’m so thankful for the gift God has given me.

Thank you – We’re putting up paintings, and putting sheets on beds, and cooking with pots and pans, and purchasing a washer and dryer and beginning to see the love you all showered on us all over our house. It’s actually an incredible feeling to have you all surrounding us in such tangible ways. It’s been pretty messy with thank you notes and I deeply apologize for that, but I do want you all to know how blessed we are by your love and kindness in helping us for this new beginning!

I’ve set up an account through a missions organization which will transfer funds to us in Honduras if you desire to support us further on into our journey. Please specify my name on your donation through paypal.

Thank you for your continued prayers for us! Each day is an adventure and a blessing and we are praising God and wanting to share this and so much more with all of our family and friends far and near. We send you our love!
Link for donations: